Kohl is the focal point of this blog, but we would be remiss if we did not give “the gang” its due every once in a while. Kohl’s gang, of course, includes family members, doctors, therapists and friends. A fondness for Kohl is really the only admission requirement to get into the gang. The reverse is also true and those whom Kohl is most fond of are also members of the gang. These days, Kohl reserves his deepest affections for the medley of singing animals that have taken residence at Chateau du Chrestman. They regale us with their one-hit wonders almost as frequently as oxygen is consumed. Their hits stay in our heads through an embarrassing part of the work day. Here are some of his favorites:
The most recent addition to our battery-operated acapella is Goffrey the Giraffe. Goffrey’s rendition of “Your Love is Taking Me Higher” initially met with fairly mixed reviews. He was described as “moderately creepy” by Kohl’s mom and dad made a fair share of “fallic” comments about the manner in which Goffrey’s long neck goes up and down while performing. Despite these shortfalls, however, Goffrey has quickly earned his place as one of Kohl’s favorites.
Next up is a fellow who makes any level of creepiness Goffrey might have seem pedestrian. Known simply as “the Syphlis Frog,” this spotted, STD-riddled amphibian would most likely have restraining orders against him if he were a human. Thankfully he is just a make-believe, extraordinarily frightening, frog. Yes, he may begin his song with a sexual-sounding grunt and his mannerisms, performance and overall appearance are enough to strike fear into anyone with any modicum of decency. But he continues to captivate Kohl.
Then there is the champ – the one, the only Floyd. Floyd not only performs at his home base of Chateau du Chrestman, he travels in the car, to the hospital or wherever his services might be needed to calm Kohl down in a pinch.
Floyd used to shake his hips and wave his umbrella up and down during his performances, but age and the his average of 2,642 performances per day have worn him down a bit. This little green fellow has become a staple in our lives, and Kohl adores him. Besides, his numerous performances also teach a valuable lesson. There’s always going to be plenty of rain, so you might as well just go ahead and sing in it.
Floyd, you are very wise.
And the last member of Kohl’s gang is neither a singing animal, nor is it quite a member of the gang just yet:
Kohl’s sexually ambiguous sibling (“SAS”) is due to join the gang on or about August 24th, which happens to be one day after his mom and dad’s sixth anniversary and the same day as his Aunt Allison was born. Kohl is obviously very excited about the arrival of his new friend.