Shortly after celebrating his six-month birthday (this was over two months ago – thanks mommy for taking so long to pick out pictures), Kohl marked the occasion by taking his first trip to the beach. In his short, half-year of life, Kohl has grown accustomed to domination. He has mastered his parents, and he has imposed his will in a dictatorial regime at Chateau du Chrestman.
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| The king on his throne, employing the “gangster lean” |
So, he was filled with confidence as he moved to conquer his next foe – the Gulf of Mexico. While mom and dad are no match for Kohl, the Gulf of Mexico presented a much bigger challenge. It is timeless, it is vast. It was on.
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| Tiring quickly of heavy rain and slow traffic, Kohl quickly takes over driving responsibilities to expedite his confrontation with the Gulf |
Day one, unfortunately, went to the Gulf of Mexico. What started out as an attempt to slowly but surely introduce Kohl to sand and the ocean, ended up with Kohl taking an unexpected wave to the face. Below are before and after pictures from day one:
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| Miniature board shorts + crooked miniature sun glasses = SWAG |
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| After approximately 47 minutes of sheer terror and screaming of bloody murder, he admits defeat. But while he may have lost the battle, he has not lost the war |
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| All that trauma makes for a sleepy little turd |
The little warrior was not going to let a little sand in the butt crack and waves to the face keep him down for long. On day two, he went back to face his enemy squarely.
First, he prepared for battle.
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| While his dad embarrassingly reads the latest in the Twilight series, Kohl immerses himself in the ancient martial wisdom contained in Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, looking for any edge he can get |
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| Kohl is clearly not nervous about today’s bout with the Gulf after sharing a moment of levity with his trusted tactical advisor, Wally the Panda |
And then it was on.
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| Sand, meet Kohl. Winner – Kohl |
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| Wait, wait, wait, … nope. Nevermind. No meltdown. Eat it, Gulf. |
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| After a long day of domination, he passes out, alleyway-in-Tijuana-style |
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The final score, therefore, was a tie: Kohl – 1, Gulf of Mexico – 1. But this was only the beginning of what is sure to be an epic battle for years to come.
ADDENDUM: Kohl’s family wishes to apologize to its vast readership in the inexcusable delay between posts. Many things have happened since Kohl’s confrontation with the Gulf of Mexico, which we plan to relay over the next several weeks, so please stay tuned.
