Sometimes I contemplate all you have taught me over the last five years.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like you’re my mentor or some sort of Mr. Miyagi to my Daniel Laruso. I mean, you’re five so you still don’t know shit. But the circumstances in which you checked into this life, and the way you continue to learn and grow have taught me countless lessons.
The importance of patience is one recurring theme.
You have enrolled us in a masters level course on that shit. Before my enrollment in that course, I never considered myself a patient person. And I wish I could say now that you have made me patient and that I now approach my days with a zen-like calm and enlightenment.
If that were the case, I would not routinely make snarky comments to your mom when she makes us late to every social event we are invited to. I would not have called that gentleman with the Ohio plates that we were stuck behind yesterday a stupid ass wipe because he was moving at a snail’s pace. And I would not continue to get frustrated with the pace at which you learn and develop. I would not overlook the miracles occurring in front of me every day. I would remember that small things like your laughter at fart noises and the fact that you are starting to sleep with your arms straight and above your head are actually huge things. Yet I continue to forget these very important lessons.
But it is not because I am “impatient.”
I have discovered that calling myself “impatient” is not constructive because it takes away accountability for my actions. I can chalk things up to just being impatient. Because that’s the way I am wired. If it were true that you and I are just wired certain ways, then I guess I will always be an impatient douche bag, and you will always have the limitations you have.
Well, young Kohlito, you have helped me discover how that is bullshit and how each new moment is a new opportunity. Every second brings a new opportunity for you to learn something and move past your limitations. Every minute brings a new opportunity for me to be less of a douche bag.
And I know there will be setbacks. I know that there will be times where it will feel like you’re moving one step forward and two steps back. I can guarantee there will be times where my foibles will continue to rear their ugly faces. But there is an enormous freedom to knowing that we are not resigned to those moments.
So thanks for helping set me free.