Kohl’s hair has always been a distinguishing feature. Born with a full head of hair, his first few months would show that one of the unfortunate traits he acquired from his dad was an inordinate amount of “cow licks.” While dad is devastatingly handsome, his hair is not one of his finer traits, and it appeared for a while as if Kohl would suffer a similar fate.
But somewhere around the last quarter of his first year, things took a positive turn. The hair on his little grape started getting longer and taking on the auburn coloring of his mom’s hair – one of her strong suits. Indeed, Kohl was becoming 17 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.
After several months of sporting his locks with grace and aplomb, however, his hair made a very subtle turn back to ridiculousness. He had a nice run there for a few months, but that mop on top of his head began to bear too strong a resemblance to Justin Bieber. As it continued to grow, it then started looking like Kohl was ready to go to the Lilith Fair. Finally, it reached “wooly mammoth” status and more than a few people commented about what a beautiful girl Kohl was. It was time for a change.
And so it was that Kohl got his first haircut. Quinn, who cuts his mom’s hair, skillfully eased Kohl back into looking like a man. His return to manhood occurred, ironically, at a salon that caters to mostly women.
|The last sighting of the soon-to-be-extinct wooly mammoth|
Yeah, yeah, yeah we took him to a salon. Go ahead and judge him. Wanna know how much Kohl cares about your judgment?
The little dude enjoys his new look. The hair that used to restrict his vision and get caught in the snot that frequently runs from his nose has now been saved – in what seems vaguely creepy – in a plastic bag as a memento of this first haircutting experience.
So good riddance, Bieber! You are a talented young fellow, but your absurd haircut is not wanted in the House of Chrestman.